Remember what your "why" is.

It's been a little while. I've been enjoying my week at home more than words can express and I feel like the positive effect on my health has been immeasurable.

So what's next? Lots of appointments next week and Round 2 of chemo approaching. Hopefully, I won't experience the same dreadful side effects.

On Monday the 17th I had another lovely visit from my Daughter. The timing of my week at home has been perfect, with it being half-term. She's got into a routine where she runs up to the living room window, shouts: "Daaaaddd!" and waves her arms around like a lunatic. It's the highlight of my day. We played some board games, most of which she won. We chatted about what she's be doing with her Mum over half-term. We just spent time enjoying normality and I couldn't have felt happier.

Mum visited as well. Then the District Nurse called in. So I had a house full for a while. My mate dropped  by in the afternoon for a chat and to see if I needed anything. I don't take for granted how many people I have in my life who are genuinely willing to drop everything and help out. I hope they all know I'd do the same for them.

I spent the rest of the afternoon sorting out some life admin': getting things organised for my Mum that I'd been putting off, speaking to the Gaffer at work (who was great and very understanding) and sorting out some of my own paperwork. As the day went on, I started to get a bit apprehensive about my second biopsy which was looming the next day. It didn't go so well last time! So I did a bit of retail therapy and treated myself to a new pair of trainers. And maybe a hoodie. Got to look good for those appointments!

I slept well and headed off for my biopsy on the 18th. I was really impressed with the new Cancer Suite and they were ready and waiting for me when I got there. I had a chat with the lovely lady from the well being team. It was nice to catch up while I was feeling better. The last time I'd seen her on the Haematology Ward I was in a bit of a state. 

The biopsy went better than expected. Maybe they just used the same hole in my pelvis so it wasn't as bad? A quick blood test and a clean up of my PICC line and I was on my way.

I had a little walk with my Mum after, as the sun was out. My partner came round and we went for another walk. We didn't go far and I had a little nosy at a flat I'd seen for my Mum. She's looking at downsizing and that's one of the things I've been occupying myself with. We had a chilled out afternoon after the walk. I ate some pizza (massive progress on the solid food front)! The time flew by and it was time for my partner to go. 

At about 10pm I thought I'd check the tracking on a delivery I'd been waiting for, as I'd not been given a date or time. It turned out it had been dumped behind my bin since 11am that morning. Good job it hadn't rained and no opportunists (scrotes) had seen it!

I had another lovely visit from my Daughter on the 19th. I'm still wearing a mask when people visit, as my immune system isn't the best. I also have to ask people to stay away if they are feeling ill. Thankfully, my Daughter is fine at the moment, so we've even been able to have a few cuddles. Something we've both missed. She said to me: "It's nice that we can have hugs again Dad, now that your blood pressure is better."😊 Amazing the things they pick up. She must have overheard someone talking about my blood pressure in the hospital. Bless her.

My Daughter has been my guiding light through all of this. I've been determined to fight and beat Cyril but she's given me that extra incentive when I've needed it.

I've been through a lot in my life, as many people have at my age (29 😉). I've lost friends and close family, I've beat depression, I've had difficult break ups, I've started again (more than once), I've seen some shit at work I'd rather not have seen, I've beat cancer before and now it's getting a good hiding again. It's made me resilient and it's made me philosophical. Of all the inspirational things I've read, this quote stands out for me: 

"He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how."

- Nietzsche

So if you're ever struggling. And you will be. Life is a struggle at times. Just remember what your why is.

Anyway, on the 20th I had a good tidy up and did some more admin before my partner came round in the afternoon. Despite the rainy weather we went out to Curbar for a walk. I'm loving getting out and about at the minute, in all weather conditions, and today was no exception. We got dried off and had a cosy afternoon. I got my ass kicked on Switch Sports and we very nearly fell asleep on the sofa watching Step Brothers. It was a good day!