And just like that, almost 5 months to the day since my diagnosis, I'm back where it all started for my final course of chemotherapy.
The Doctor told me this morning: "You have responded brilliantly to the treatment and it is extremely rare, with the type of leukemia you have, that it comes back." I couldn't ask for any more. So Mum, Dad, I'll see you again but not yet. Not yet!
Last Tuesday me and my Partner went on the weekly Social Run with our running club. It was just over 4 miles at a steady pace through the woods. I felt great after. Although I've lost a lot of ground with my running, it's still a great tonic. It's funny how being active can actually give you more energy and the mental health benefits are immeasurable.
On Wednesday it was my little girl's 6th Birthday. There was a time this year when I didn't know if I'd be around to see it. I didn't know if I'd have the strength to pick her up, carry her on my shoulders and run around like a lunatic with her. I've always been immensely grateful to have her in my life. Now, even more so. We went out for a family meal and she told everyone, strangers included, that it was her Birthday! She brings so much joy and I'm happy to say I ran with her and carried her on my shoulders on the way home.
I made myself busy sorting stuff out for my Mum on Thursday. I was at a loose end in the evening when my mate messaged me and asked me if I fancied a couple of beers. I couldn't reply quickly enough and we were soon at the local putting the world to rights.
On Friday I went for a coffee and a catch up with a work colleague. It's always nice when people haven't seen you for a while and they comment on how well you're looking. I got a 3 mile run in before my Daughter's swimming lesson.
The next day it was my Daughter's Birthday party at the local bowling alley. It was chaos but it was fun. The rest of the day was a bit of a write off, I was knackered and I'd had my daily fill of socialising!
Yesterday I went for a run round the reservoir. I chatted to my Mum and Dad as I ran. Something I do occasionally, especially when I'm out in nature and feel close to them. I went and tidied up the garden at my Mum's house after.
It occurred to me that I'll have days when I feel motivated and busy. I'll have days when I don't feel like doing anything and want to shut myself off from the world. Both states of being are OK. It's natural and part of the process. It's been an incredibly difficult few years and you don't heal overnight.
I called in at work and caught up with my team. I brought cakes - obligatory. Me and my partner went for a walk and a nice meal in the evening. I thought we'd enjoy a night of freedom before being subjected to hospital food again!
So today, I'm back in hospital. I'm hopeful it will only be for tonight. All being well, I'll have my treatment tomorrow and then I'll be going back home again in the evening.
When I was admitted to the haematology ward back in January, one of the first things I saw was the end of treatment bell next to the nurse's station. In the early days I would picture myself ringing that bell to mark the end of my treatment and my recovery. It kept me positive and gave me hope. Now the time is approaching to ring the bell, I'm not sure if I want to do it. All the people that matter the most to me, especially my Mum, were in that picture. It's also occurred to me there may be people on the ward who are not so lucky. The ringing of the bell might sound hollow to them. I think I might just ring the bell alone, quietly on my way out... and then I can start moving on with my life.
